


What You Feel

by empereor



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Cuddles, Fluff, Kihyun worries, Kisses, M/M, Pining, Wonho worries too but just a little louder than Kihyun, kiho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 09:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18989476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empereor/pseuds/empereor
Summary: For two dumbasses to be so in love with each other, they sure are clueless.





	1. Feeling Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe.
> 
> Maybe Kihyun wasn’t pining on Hoseok alone, after all. Maybe Hoseok liked him too? Maybe Hoseok was holding him like this because there was something more than just seeking comfort. He hoped Hoseok liked him too. Kihyun really did. He felt like asking. He felt like begging.

Kihyun was well aware then of the old gramophone, sitting majestically ancient on the coffee table and sticking out like a painting ripped out from its own time of glory, when everything was still black-and-white and looked like there were always a layer of dust filter over everything. Funnily enough, for reasons he couldn’t put a finger on, it was the first sight and the thing that greeted him welcome when he turned to head inside the living room.

The fact that because it took him a while to start feeling curious enough to actually start thinking about asking, he didn't know where to start.

_Who bought it? Who brought it here?_

_Why is it on the coffee table?_

_How did you get it? Since obviously it’s in your home and on your coffee table?_

  
But ultimately, as he stared on and his mind jumbling itself together like the earphone cable in his front pocket, the only few words that came out of his very wise mouth was: “What the fuck.”

“Wow Kihyun come on, your language.” Hoseok reprimanded him but not without chuckles in his sentence, so… It’s kind of hard for Kihyun really; he couldn't help but soften up hearing that bubbly laugh. And Hoseok was almost always tickled when he cursed anyway.

Hoseok continued on to shuffle about, still looking like he was trying to find something, something that was obviously not in the living room, and he only came out here to greet Kihyun by the looks of it. “About that: someone gave it to me earlier while I was out today, and I like stuff like this, so there it is now.” As he finished, he left the room again.

But, bless his kind heart, not before telling Kihyun to make himself at home.

Kihyun didn’t try to help him, feeling like it’ll actually fuss up Hoseok’s search, since this was Hoseok’s place after all; he must knew what he wanted to find and where it was originally. Kihyun didn’t want to intrude anymore than he already did. But they both knew that if Hoseok asked for his help, he’d jump at it in a heartbeat. They both knew that.

Kihyun rubbed at his face, his eyes, feeling shaky and seeing stars behind his eyelids.

“I didn't know you were a collector,” he spoke more to himself, but he heard Hoseok’s faint reply anyway. He dragged his feet to get inside to the living room, and sat down heavily on the couch, sinking into the cushions. It felt like his bones were jelly, and belatedly he realized how mushy and tired he felt altogether. He gave out a sigh for himself for being so worn out, and heard Hoseok calling out a “just a minute, I'll be there” before the room quieted again.

At a loss, but a comfortable kind of loss, where his mind and thoughts are a weird static, but not unwelcome, he stared at the gramophone in front of him. The old piece was rusty at places, Kihyun wondered thoughtfully if it could still play. It would be nice to fill in the temporary silence with some music. Just for a while.

“Hoseok?” He called out, stretching his neck up slightly but sparing the effort to move anything else to look for said man. “Hyung? Do you have—”

Hoseok had brought a few records over, still in its cover, and all in one hand, before Kihyun could finish. Really, Kihyun almost preened, letting his head fall back to the cushion, liking the feeling of how his face softened when he saw how giddy Hoseok was getting in front of him about the topic.

Kihyun gestured to the records in Hoseok’s grip. “So. You’re a collector.”

Hoseok grinned, nodded, and the corners of his lips curled up when he did. Hoseok acted so abashed about it, but silently proud too. Kihyun could see it. Kihyun felt his heart stutter.

“I’m not nearly as dedicated to call myself that. I just think they're really interesting when I first saw them. And I couldn't really say no when it came to free things,” Hoseok nodded at the gramophone, a cheeky smile then adorning his face, and sat down across the coffee table.

“People have simple hobbies, and I guess this is mine. And this old thing,” Kihyun watched as Hoseok laid his hand down on the record player, ever so gentle. “I actually haven’t the closest idea on how to use it, but there's a first for everything.”

And Kihyun thought so as well, that there was always a first for everything, as he felt something tug inside his chest again.

Timidly, he watched as Hoseok pull out one vinyl record from its cover. Kihyun recognized some of the covers, and with what mental energy he had left, he thought back to when he would listen to old ballads for his singing lessons.

He wasn’t really fond of just reminiscing about it, thinking back to his old days always brought a bitter taste in his mouth. It wasn’t exactly the most ideal learning environment, and he knew that. Kihyun thought he’d gotten over it already.

Judging by how he felt then; feeling his face almost form a scowl, he must have been wrong. It was petty to keep feeling his grudge. Really, it was his fault that he reminded himself of his choir days, until his bitter little ruminations was brought to a slow halt when Hoseok’s little movements across of him caught his eyes.

And so he was back to watching Hoseok, as he somehow make it look like he was playing around with the gramophone stylus, even though— he wasn’t _actually._

Kihyun found the gnawing sensation he would get inside his throat whenever he thought of the past gradually dissipate with every breath he let out. And, Hoseok was... Well.

Hoseok was pulling things upwards and in the wrong direction, all the while trying to push it almost as far away as it could from where it was supposed to _go_ , and Kihyun honestly felt like his laugh was punched out of him.

“You really don't know?” Kihyun sat up on the couch, surprised even though he kind of knew the answer to that. Hoseok pouted, frowning.

 _Adorably,_ was what Kihyun thought.

“You can take a guess at that.”

“Hyung!”

“Kihyun.”

This time Kihyun really laughed out loud, letting himself have this moment of a little giggle fit, before he tutted several times and scooted down from the couch to sit to the opposite of, one _mildly_ annoyed but still amused Hoseok, the gramophone between them.

“I'm pretty sure you should put the vinyl on top, and this thing goes on it, like so.” Kihyun punctuated his words with action, doing exactly what he was– probably poorly– describing. Not that Hoseok minded, he was sure.

He was on his knees, leaning across the table to do the job, and when he was done clicking everything gently into place, he sat back on his legs, his elbows on the table.

“I don't know from who or from where you got this, but do be careful. I mean, it's old, so it's probably fragile. If it gets banged up, who knows if it'll ever play. Who knows if it will actually play _now,_ ” Kihyun paused, thinking, shrugging. “Just play it cool, you know. Not that I’m saying you’re clumsy, but...”

Kihyun thought Hoseok was being kind of quiet, so he busied his hands holding the gramophone, touching every part of it just to feel its material. It was old. His heart was hammering inside his chest.

Hoseok was quiet.

Hoseok wasn’t always this quiet.

Kihyun glanced up to Hoseok then, and his thoughts slowly swirled into sweet nothings when he found himself looking at a very appreciative man looking at _him;_ from the way Hoseok leaned on the table with his arms crossed, leaning into Kihyun's space but not breaching it, and his head lolled to the side and almost playful, with his soft cherry lips pulling up into a smile... Hoseok was smiling so prettily like this because of him.

And Hoseok was staring at him, silent. And he was just staring right back.

“Uh.” His voice cracked. He cleared it with a cough. _Play it cool._

“Thank you, Ki.”

Hoseok dropped his gaze to the old music player, his smile never faltering at the edges, and slowly, like caressing a lover’s hand, he turned it on.

The record at first played out a crackly and scratchy tune, which made Hoseok jump almost a mile out of his skin and Kihyun almost reliving his earlier fit of laughter, but he could only giggle, timid again, leaning back his frame to the couch. Kihyun rest his head back on the cushion, taking in deep breaths as the record smoothed out and velvety tones started to fill in the living room.

He was quick to dismiss what might be the reason for the earlier tension between them; quick because he was afraid he wouldn’t like what he could confirm it was about.

Kihyun lifted his head up to look at Hoseok. He wasn’t looking at Kihyun anymore, his eyes trained on the record player. Hoseok made a sound. When Kihyun hummed, almost like agreeing to what Hoseok was implying, he watched in held breaths how Hoseok slowly closed his eyes, docile, his chin on one hand. “Plays nicely, doesn’t it now...”

Hoseok opened his eyes. And he was looking directly at Kihyun and, something behind his eyes made Kihyun felt weaker than before. Made his heart beat faster than ever before. Hoseok sat up, and why _why why_ was he looking at Kihyun like that if it meant nothing?

Was Kihyun overthinking this? Was he right about it or was he wrong? Was Hoseok okay with it if he knew? What if he did know and he was just–

“Ki.”

–trying to be polite about turning him down?

Maybe the reason Kihyun started humming out the lyrics to the song while he shut his eyes tight was because he remembered how the tune went on. Maybe the reason he wanted to sing all of a sudden was because in this short moment with Hoseok he felt passionate again and he felt like he might explode if he didn’t somehow let it out, maybe it wasn’t actually because he was trying to distract himself from the burning need and wanting to just kiss Hoseok on his lips over the stupid coffee table because he was in love with him and ignore all the other stupid complications.

Did Hoseok know Kihyun was in love with him?

When Kihyun heard noises of the table legs grating against the floor, he could tell it was because of Hoseok who was pushing the coffee table aside, the gramophone all but rattled on its music still. He sang higher, his voice got higher reaching panic. He felt Hoseok kneel in front of him, and Kihyun felt Hoseok’s hands pulling his knees shut around– Hoseok’s waist, as he was moved to straddle the other.

Kihyun almost yelled when he felt hands cupping his face, and tug up. His eyes flew open then, fully open and he couldn’t hide anymore, and his voice all but turned into a whisper when Hoseok’s gaze bore into him, and he couldn’t help the hitch of his breath when Hoseok breathed in heavily.

“Can you sing for me while I kiss you?”

Kihyun gasped. Hoseok breathed out.

Maybe.

Maybe Kihyun wasn’t pining on Hoseok alone, after all. Maybe Hoseok liked him too? Maybe Hoseok was holding him like this because there was something more than just seeking comfort. He hoped Hoseok liked him too. Kihyun really did. He felt like asking. He felt like begging.

Hoseok leaned down and kissed his cheek, slowly, gentle. Gentle, like how he was with the old gramophone just then. Fragile. Did Hoseok see him as something that needed to be protected?

Did Hoseok know how much Kihyun felt the same for him, if it _was_ for the same for Hoseok?

Kihyun let out a sigh, high in his throat. And he started to sing as Hoseok hugged him. He was held so close that his lips kept brushing against Hoseok’s shoulder, and he wished he could feel skin underneath his hands. But Kihyun kept singing, and Hoseok kept kissing him, on his jaw, on his cheekbone…

He kept singing even when Hoseok leaned back to look at him, even when Hoseok tilted his chin to make Kihyun look at him. But he couldn’t look up.

So Hoseok bent down to catch Kihyun’s lips with his, and. And.

Maybe.

Maybe when Kihyun kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Hoseok and held on for dear life, it felt like it was okay, because Hoseok accepted his feelings, and was fine with reciprocating it. Hoseok was okay with. Hoseok was kissing him, gliding over his lip like a dance for two.

A dance for two. Kihyun let out a breathless laugh as he pulled back, and Hoseok’s eyes were hooded, and he was laughing too, and.

Hoseok shot up standing with Kihyun in his arms, and his laugh boomed out of him, and Kihyun felt it in his chest. And he laughed too, and he sang.

Kihyun sang against Hoseok’s skin, his lips catching on Hoseok’s neck and kissing there when he caught his breath. And he hummed when he didn’t want to leave the spot he was kissing, and Hoseok laughed, spinning around in circles slowly. The gramophone slowed to a stop. Hearing Hoseok laugh was so sweet. Kissing Hoseok’s lips was so sweet. It was nice. Kihyun felt good.

“I love you.”

“Hey… I was supposed to say it first.”

“I got tired of waiting, Ki.”

Touché.

But he couldn’t help but feel a bit responsible for not making a move, and he kept Hoseok waiting...

When Kihyun opened his mouth again to offer an apology he thought was necessary, Hoseok was quicker to peck his lips. Maybe to shut him up. Well maybe it did, because he was quietened and Hoseok was so giggly after.

“We’re here now. And I love you, so much. Right now is what matters,” and Hoseok paused to kiss the side of his head, nuzzling there. Warm. “Ki?”

“I like it when you call me that.” Was what Kihyun said, not entirely feeling like this was real, but was trying to accept it. Even though they did kiss. And Kihyun kissed him back. Peculiar. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Hoseok hummed close to his skin, and Kihyun leaned against the other because he honestly thought he would fall to his face if not; he felt numbness through his limbs, but he also felt warm and happy and very, very satisfied.

Hoseok took it as an opportunity to sway back, holding Kihyun and leading him into a very slow dance. Kihyun snorted out a giggle.

“I’m dead weight. I can’t dance now.”

“I’ll dance for the two of us.”

 _Not even going to be possible,_ Kihyun thought, but well. He really thought. Because Hoseok was moving almost effortlessly, supporting Kihyun’s frame, holding him firmly, feeling Hoseok’s hands on the small of his back. There was no music, and Hoseok was moving at random, unpredictable.

Kihyun sang again, his voice carrying out in the silent living room, and he could feel, with how close they were embracing, Hoseok shivering under him. It caught him by surprise. Hoseok sighed, a sweet sound. A whisper.

_You’re so good._

That sent an electric shock straight down his spine.

Kihyun leapt and pushed into Hoseok down onto the couch, and Hoseok made another sound, soft– maybe out of surprise, maybe out of anticipation.

Kihyun held Hoseok’s face in one hand, cradling him closely, leaning his whole body into him as he sang, his lips touching the shell of Hoseok’s ear, and, God. Hearing Hoseok’s soft whines as he held unto Kihyun  was delightful.

“Why are you so cute?” Kihyun moved to kiss Hoseok’s jaw, sliding down lower and lower, kissing his collarbone where it was exposed from his collar, and lastly he just cupped Hoseok’s face.

Hoseok was giggling, moving up to give him a quick kiss, and it was crazy how natural Kihyun accepted it. Hoseok moved away, but not without staring at his lips, before he finally look up. Kihyun felt like his heart would burst at the lingering feeling.

“For you.”

“What… What’s for me?”

“Me.” Hoseok moved again, closer until his lips was just barely a shy away from touching Kihyun's. “I’m yours.”

 _Fuck._ He felt so good.

“You’re mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note, this is chronologically backwards.


	2. Good Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun was too nice, letting him cuddle when he felt like shit. He didn't know why Kihyun wouldn't say no. Even the first time when he asked, Kihyun would give him a simple hug with one arm slung around his shoulders. Hoseok didn't know how it progressed to just full on bear-hugging on the couch like this one...
> 
> He concluded that he didn't know a lot of things.

Hoseok, if given the chance, would always want to hold Kihyun's hand if it didn't disrupt the other from his activities.  
  
If he saw the other man's fist loosely balled up on the table not far from him, Hoseok would reach over and lay his hand over his. Sometimes Kihyun would do nothing and let him, and sometimes Kihyun would turn his hand over and hold Hoseok's hand as well.  
  
Nonetheless of how Kihyun would react when Hoseok did this, however many times he would do it, over and over again it would never fail to make his chest tighten every time.  
  
Even more so when Kihyun would glance at him ever so slightly, and lock their fingers together.  
  
──  
  
“Is there any reason to why you like holding my hand?” Kihyun's question seemed like a warning, and it sent Hoseok almost speechless– if it wasn't for the fact that Kihyun didn't mean it that way, and it was just a question, because Kihyun's almost amused when Hoseok looked over to him.  
  
And by God did it calm Hoseok's nerves down.  
  
“I just like to. Hold your hand I mean. It's nice... I guess.” He knew he finished lamely, but Hoseok's already flustered as is, and playing it cool seemed like the only okay thing right then.  
  
Hoseok heard a hum of acknowledgement from Kihyun, probably to also tease him– he couldn't really tell. He thought he saw Kihyun smirk when he nodded.  
  
“Can't say anything about that, I'd hold my hand too if I were you.” And Kihyun held out his hands as if to prove his point.  
  
Wow.  
  
Hearing Hoseok scoff, Kihyun laughed, a bright and breathless laugh– before he leaned over and held Hoseok's wrist, drawing gentle circles over Hoseok's pulse, tracing slowly before he dragged the tips of his fingers on Hoseok's open palm. When Kihyun pulled back and turned to leave, Hoseok certainly wasn't scoffing anymore. His entire arm felt electrified.  
  
──  
  
Hoseok scooted closer, leaning back halfway into the couch and his eyes trained on Kihyun. The other didn't comment anything– yet– so Hoseok inched closer until their thighs touched, and then Kihyun sighed lightly.  
  
“You're always like a kid, huh.”  
  
“I know it's childish... But–”  
  
Kihyun laid his hand on Hoseok's thigh, and rubbed circles there with his thumb, and Hoseok's words died on his tongue.  
  
“I didn't say it was childish, it never is. I like it too.”  
  
And then Kihyun smiled, a soft smile with his eyebrows almost drawn together, looking at Hoseok so fondly and quietly...  
  
It made Hoseok let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in. It made him inhale a little more properly.  
  
“Okay...”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Today... Just...” Hoseok didn't let himself finish, since he knew Kihyun knew anyway.  
  
Hoseok reached out to touch Kihyun's wrist, and the thumb that was rubbing circles on his thigh stopped, and Kihyun still looked at him quietly, the smile unchanging, though he raised a brow. Hoseok couldn't speak.  
  
Hoseok trailed up to hold Kihyun's elbow, and nudged the arm up before resting it on his shoulder. Kihyun followed his lead and got up, his knees on the couch, and the sudden change in their height made Hoseok lean back and look up at Kihyun.  
  
Kihyun looked down at him with half-lidded eyes, his smile warm and said something else, something that couldn't connect in his mind because Kihyun was straddling him, his body warm, pressing into Hoseok's, and rested both of his arms on Hoseok's shoulders, and he could feel Kihyun's fingers ghosting along the nape of his neck, and suddenly all of Kihyun was so close to him; the intimacy of it made his blood rush and his heart swell with affection.  
  
Hoseok took in a shaky breath. Kihyun chuckled.  
  
“Is this okay?”  
  
“More than– Yeah. More than okay.”  
  
Hoseok, realizing he still had arms attached to his body, circled Kihyun and hugged him close. He breathed in, and Kihyun scent was almost maddening as it was comforting, the man's weight on him grounding and everything was so close to him, cuddling together like this– it all really almost made him tear up.  
  
“Hyung... Don't cry. It's okay.”  
  
“Wasn't going to.”  
  
Damn. He really was about to.  
  
Kihyun was too nice, letting him cuddle when he felt like shit. He didn't know why Kihyun wouldn't say no. Even the first time when he asked, Kihyun would give him a simple hug with one arm slung around his shoulders. Hoseok didn't know how it progressed to just full on bear-hugging on the couch like this one...  
  
He concluded that he didn't know a lot of things.  
  
But he did know how to recognize the shift of Kihyun's body relaxing on him, and he could hear the man sigh as if on cue, as well.  
  
“Don't think too much, okay? Calm down, I'm not going anywhere.” When Hoseok could simply nod, Kihyun spoke slower, concern evident in his tone. “Unless you want me to.”  
  
“I don't want you to.” Was Hoseok's answer, a bit too quick really. But it was true. “I want you to stay.”  
  
Hoseok could feel Kihyun nod against the side of his head, and gently thought to himself if Kihyun was nuzzling him too. It sent an indescribable amount of happiness straight to his tummy.  
  
Kihyun never actually asked him why he wanted to cuddle every time Hoseok asked. Except for the initial “are you okay” or “is something wrong”, Kihyun never ventured further. Hoseok felt a bit guilty when he wouldn't explain it to Kihyun first whenever Kihyun doesn't ask, like he was keeping Kihyun in the dark, but he really only needed someone hugging him to ground him again, and to let himself be hugged made him feel protected.  
  
It felt all too vulnerable but liberating whenever he thought about it. It also felt like he was taking advantage of Kihyun's kindness.  
  
“Hyung, what did I say...”  
  
Kihyun's whisper broke his train of thought in an instant, and almost bewildered he loosened his grip. Which was probably why Kihyun spoke up in the first place.  
  
“Sorry, I– Sorry.”  
  
Kihyun tugged back a bit and Hoseok let him in an instant, withdrawing his hands away from Kihyun's body. But Kihyun didn't get up from where he sat, he only leaned back to look at Hoseok in the face.  
  
“Okay. I know that we've never actually talked about what's going on whenever you do, this,” Kihyun gestured to all of Hoseok with his chin, jutting it out to emphasize. “But I want you to know that it doesn't bother me. Like, yeah, I get curious, but I do want to help. And if not talking about it does help, it's fine with me. It's just...”  
  
Kihyun shrugged, and the concern in his voice and how he addressed his issue made Hoseok feel like hiding his face.  
  
“Sorry,” Hoseok cleared his throat first. His voice sounded so weak. “It's embarrassing to say this, but I–”  
  
“Like I said, if it helps you if we don't talk about it, then that's that.”  
  
Hoseok shook his head. “It'd be unfair to you, Kihyun. I just needed someone to hug when I feel bad.”  
  
He really just blurt it out there before he could stop himself like that. Hoseok was sure his ears burned red.  
  
For a moment, the silence from both of them dragged on several beats. Until Hoseok was positive Kihyun really didn't want to talk anymore.  
  
“...Someone to calm you down?”  
  
Hoseok closed his eyes, and nodded.  
  
“But that's too often... Oh.”  
  
This time, it was Hoseok's turn to shrug, slow and embarrassed. “Sorry, Kihyun...”  
  
“What–” And Kihyun's voice only dropped softer. “What are you apologizing for...” Kihyun immediately pulled him back into a hug, one that was tighter than before, and Kihyun's hand was brushing Hoseok's hair firmly. “Don't say sorry anymore.” Kihyun whispered, and Hoseok could feel his breath on his ear. A lump grew in his throat. He hugged Kihyun again and decided to just bury his face on Kihyun's chest before, he really started to cry.

And he knew Kihyun felt the warm tears soak on his shirt, but he didn't say anything about it. He knew, and he let it happen. Hoseok didn't know why it made him feel so... Happy. At ease. Comforted. He felt so safe. He felt good.

He knew he what he wanted to tell him, then. Hoseok knew what he felt for Kihyun. It would be a matter of time before he told him. He could probably wait, he could let Kihyun figure it out too, perhaps. Or he could do something stupid to let Kihyun know what he felt. Like, kiss him.

Hoseok sighed. Content.  _Truly._  He heard Kihyun breathe with him. It sent him all fluttery.

Hoseok loved him.

It was a good feeling.


End file.
